Living IN THE RED

 

Debt steals, kills, and destroys....

It steals joy, kills self esteem, and destroys relationship. Anyone who has ever lived under the crushing weight of debt knows this to be true. Where there is debt, there is imbalance. Where there is imbalance, there is struggle. Where there is struggle, there is lack of peace. Where there is lack of peace, there is unrest. Where there is unrest, life becomes debilitating and depressing…and the vicious cycle continues.

Inevitably, where there is debt, there is always a debt collector…one whose job is to hold you accountable. Debt collectors can be ruthless. Their job is to do whatever it takes to collect the debt…They badger you daily, keeping you in a constant state of poverty and shame. As a last resort, they may garnishee your wages, withholding the very thing you need for survival…and the vicious cycle continues.

Tom and I recently had an encounter with a debt collector…unfortunately that debt collector was none other than US!
 
Our sons, ages 20 and 22, owed us money…lots of it. For weeks, I kept an ongoing tally of what each of them owed taped to our fridge door. Two to three months ago, they both lost their jobs and were unable to meet their monthly obligations. They picked up part time jobs, but their debits continued to outweigh their credits. In an effort to “help” them, we decided to lend them money, to help cover their rent and other expenses. As parents, that’s what we are supposed to do, right? Make sure our kids don’t suffer, make sure their needs are met? All the while, we were encouraging (prodding, nagging...) them to get a second job, to do whatever it takes…deliver pizza, work at Walmart...ANYTHING!

But they have a different sense of urgency than we do…taking their time…waiting for just the right job to come along. In addition, some of their values don't line up with ours and we have differing opinions regarding  lifestyle choices.

Therein lies the rub, the tension, the strain...the DILEMMA! As parents, we want to help, but we don’t want to enable irresponsible living. 

So...what was intended as HELP, soon became a HINDRANCE.

We soon found ourselves in this AWFUL role as debt collectors! Who likes debt collectors? Who wants to be around them? Who wants to have dinner with someone who is constantly pointing out the debt and the mistakes? Who wants to come “home” and help himself to the fridge, when that fridge has a growing tally of his debt plastered all over it?

Besides that, who in their right mind WANTS to be a debt collector anyway?? It is a gross job and it goes against every fiber of my being. When someone is indebted to you and owes you something, it’s really hard to get past that and to simply love and accept them for who they are, however they choose to live. Their debt and their inability to pay are on the forefront of every interaction. What they are doing with their money instead of meeting their obligations is a recurring theme, the proverbial elephant in the room. Confrontation and criticism replace affirmation, which leads to avoidance, which leads to apathy.

Where there is debt, relationships get skewed, messed up...It's a vicious cycle...debt steals, kills, and destroys...on BOTH sides of the fence!

HERE'S WHAT WE'VE LEARNED:

We cannot be debt collectors and parents to our adult children at the same time! We cannot love and accept unconditionally while trying to collect debt. On the same token, we cannot expect our kids to approach us freely, when they are so indebted and unable to pay. 

Debt is a SATANIC setup where everyone loses...it has his fingerprints all over it! 

One day, it the middle of shopping at Costco, God spoke to me, “Forgive their debt.” In my head, I argued…”Really, Lord? How is that going to help them LEARN? Is letting them off the hook for their mistakes really the best idea? Besides, I already had plans for that money!”

I couldn’t shake His voice…it was so strong and so overwhelming. He kept reminding me, “I'm not asking you to do anything that I haven't already done first...just DO it!” I struggled...do I tell Tom? If I tell him, then I’m committed…do I really want to do this?

The silent arguing continued...What if they don’t GET it, what if they keep making the same mistakes, what if the results aren't what we are hoping for? He kept on, "None of that matters...just DO it!"

So I told Tom…over our $5.00 lunch at Costco, I brought it up, "I'm not sure if this is from God or not, but I think it is..." And he replied with a resounding “YES…that sounds like God to me!”

So, we met with each of the boys...separately. We had prepared for each of them a list of all their debt…dates, amounts, with the grand total underlined twice. Each time, as we set the piece of paper in front of them, we could literally see the blood draining from their faces…the stress, the shame, the guilt, and the crushing weight were palpable.

Then I pulled out a RED pen, drew a big "X" through that grand total, and wrote in big RED letters “Paid in full, FORGIVEN!” 

I don't know who was more relieved...them or us!  All I can say, is it felt GOOD, it felt RIGHT, it was a HOLY moment for Tom and me.

We got 2 different reactions. One responded, “Thank you…but why are you doing this? They were my mistakes, I should pay for them.” The other one could barely get out a whisper “Thank you”, through his quivering lips and tearful eyes.
Was one reaction better than the other one? I don't think so. They were both appropriate…both so reflective of our human nature...that tension between pride and brokenness that we all struggle with.

It didn't end there...we continued, “We are your parents, we don’t want to be debt collectors. We made a mistake. From this point forward, whatever we decide to give you, will be a gift, not a loan. We are wiping out this debt because we want you to walk FORWARD in FREEDOM. Your debt is paid, you don't owe us anything! We simply want to love you, encourage you, and walk beside you. If you need something, ask us...we'll think about it and pray about it...if it is something we can do and it's GOOD for you, we will gladly give it to you. From this point forward, you are fully responsible for your daily financial obligations…we will no longer lend you money for those things…your choices are your choices…you have that freedom, and we love you no matter what you choose. But remember, consequences are no respecter of persons. Consequences will always follow choices, good or bad.”

WHY IN THE WORLD AM I TELLING THIS STORY? 

It’s certainly not to air our dirty laundry or to shine a negative light on our kids! They are young, figuring it out, learning some hard lessons...that's part of growing up. I am confident that God’s got them and I’m s-l-o-w-l-y learning to release them into His very capable hands.

It’s really about what God is teaching me about HIMSELF...about his heart and his character.

The truth is...the debt of our sin steals joy, kills self esteem and destroys relationship. Satan wants us to live in a state of debt and in poverty of spirit. He masquerades as an angel of light, but make no mistake…He is that AWFUL debt collector! He is well aware that sin separates us from God and that the wages of our sin is death. If he can just keep us in that vicious cycle of debt, imbalance, struggle, lack of peace, unrest, debilitation and depression…If he can just keep badgering us, accusing us, reminding us of our mistakes…If he can just keep convincing us that we have to pay for our sin...then, he can blind us and  keep us from seeing and experiencing the gift of grace and the unconditional LOVE of our Father.  

But GOD, in his infinite wisdom….didn’t LOAN us salvation...he GAVE it to us...He knew he couldn't be a Father and a debt collector at the same time!

He saw our pitiful state, that we were slaves to sin, that we would constantly be living in that vicious cycle of debt, imbalance, struggle, lack of peace, unrest, debilitation, and depression….and as our LOVING Father, who does ALL things well...he couldn’t take it anymore!  He realized that as long as we viewed him as a debt collector, we wouldn’t be able to receive his unconditional love! That our relationship would be skewed. He realized that the continual offering of the blood of bulls and goats was just a temporary fix..it didn't produce LIFE, but rather served as a constant reminder of our inability to keep the LAW. He looked down and said, “I don’t want my kids to live under this crushing weight of debt. I want them to walk FORWARD in FREEDOM! I don’t want them to love and serve me out of obligation because they owe me something…I want them to love and serve me out of GRATITUDE. I want my love to COMPEL them!”

He knew that if salvation were a LOAN, we would never be able to approach him with confidence, we would never feel like we were good enough, we would avoid Him, be afraid of Him, we would try to find other ways to get out from under the debt. We wouldn’t want to come “home” and share a meal with him, to have fellowship with him, because all we would see on the his fridge would be a list of our sins.

Not to mention, His heart would be TORN…wanting so desperately to help us experience the FULL LIFE, yet needing to hold us accountable for keeping the LAW…for repaying that loan.

So He GAVE what was MOST precious to him…He paid our debt IN FULL with the RED BLOOD of Jesus, so we would no longer have to be in debt, bankrupt, living in the red...NO, actually dying in the red, under the weight of guilt, shame and hopelessness!

By the B.L.O.O.D of Jesus, we were Brought to Life Out Of Darkness! It paid the debt of our sin, in full...forever!

And when Satan comes knocking at our door...prowling around in his roaring debt collector's voice... with his list, accusing us, condemning us, trying to collect our debt, we can SLAM the door in his face and say, "Go away! My Father has FORGIVEN my debt...it's paid in full! You have NO HOLD on me!"

The LIFE is in the BLOOD...Living IN THE RED is true life!

But there's more...when we are living IN THE RED, His BLOOD continually Brings Life Out Of Darkness…minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. There is POWER in the BLOOD…wonder working power…it redeems, restores, reconciles, repairs…it redirects, it rights the wrongs, it relieves pain!

Debt comes in lots of packages, not just money. How about unforgiveness or entitlement? What gift of forgiveness do I need to extend to someone who has wronged me, who has overlooked me or who has not treated me as I think I deserve? Who is God nudging me to forgive, "Just DO it!"?? Do I trust him enough with the outcome?

Paul exhorts us...FORGIVE, in order that Satan might not outwit us, for we are NOT unaware of his schemes...schemes to steal, kill and destroy. (2 Cor. 2:11)

Living  IN THE RED...Redeemed Eternally from Debt!  

I want THAT kind of life, don't you? I want to live so completely IN THE RED, so COVERED in THE RED, that the power of his blood flowing through me allows me to freely GIVE what I have RECEIVED.

God is so GOOD...He is GOD OVER OUR DEBT! He lead the way by example, so that we might imitate him..."Forgive others as I have forgiven you."

This is a SACRED setup where everyone WINS! It has God's fingerprints all over it!