Are you S.A.D.D.?

A mom walks into our office, with her 3 kids in tow. She's here for a consult about her 8 year old. She asks to speak privately with the doctor first, without "little ears" around. In tears, she begins to tell the doctor how her precious 8 year old, now in 3rd grade, is starting to get in trouble at school. She is getting daily emails from the teacher...he can't sit still, he's easily distracted, he can't focus, he can't finish his work, he daydreams, he is failing math...the teacher is at her wits end. She suggested a consult with the pediatrician. The mom goes on to say that this behavior is going on at home too...he doesn't follow directions, homework time is a disaster, he's unruly and disobedient, and he's constantly picking on his younger siblings. She needs help!

A common diagnosis for kids such as this one is A.D.D., or Attention Deficit Disorder. Typically suspicions of this diagnosis surface when children are school age. They have a hard time focusing, are distracted easily by external stimuli, get frustrated easily when things get hard, and have a difficult time learning. If they have the "hyperactivity" component (ADHD), they fidget, can't sit still, talk out of turn, are impulsive, need constant redirection, etc.

Many times, these kids are not happy children. They begin to have a low self esteem because they feel like failures. Teachers and parents are constantly getting onto them for not paying attention. Everything is a confrontation. In order to help these children, new and innovative teaching strategies are tried, individualized education plans are encouraged, but most of the time, a medication is necessary to help with focusing and learning.

Sometimes, but not always, children are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, but in reality, their symptoms are simply a product of poor training at home. They are raised on television and video games, external stimuli that are constantly bombarding their brains. They get to school and can't sit still to focus on a simple "boring" math lesson. If it's not flashy, fast paced, colorful and creative, it fails to capture their attention. Teaching simple math becomes overwhelming and complicated because these children haven't been trained to sit still, listen, problem solve and think for themselves.

I can't help but think that S.A.D.D. is a very real diagnosis amongst Christians today...Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder. Ironically, that's why many of us are SAD and lacking JOY!

We are so easily DISTRACTED...

Our smart phones capture our attention from early morning till late at night. We feed on our Facebook newsfeed more than we feed on the Word. We text our friends more than we focus on the Text. We choose entertainment over enlightenment. We tweet about our details instead of tweaking our deficits. We fill the sound waves of our cars with NPR, Rush Limbaugh, or a myriad of other opinions, instead of sitting in silence, seeking God's opinion. We run through our day, feeling weary and overwhelmed. And then we wonder, "Where is all that joy I was promised!"

In our world of instant gratification, there's GOT to be a quick fix for this SADDness, right?

Some of us run to the doctor for answers. We are given an antidepressant to help us feel better, not realizing that the only remedy for this kind of SADDness is not found in a pill bottle! (Note: There is true depression, caused by a chemical imbalance, where medication is required and necessary. This is not that.)

Others self medicate with alcohol, nicotine, or drugs, numbing the SADDness and providing temporary relief from feelings of failure and inadequacy, only to find that they are just that...temporary! Finding joy and relief in a bottle or a joint is a lie from Satan himself, who masquerades as an angel of light. His only goal is to get a person hooked and coming back for more...Make no mistake, he seeks to steal, kill and destroy...period!

Still others think performance is the answer. "If I do enough, love enough, pray enough, read enough, give enough...then I will experience joy!" This pill of performance wears off as soon as we quit doing, because enough is never enough! So we go back for more...just like alcohol or drugs, this too can be very addictive! But busyness as a remedy only leads to burnout, unless the prescriber is the Great Physician himself.

And then there are others who blame their sadness on every one else or make a million excuses to justify their SADDness.  "It's my parent's fault, my bosses' fault, my husband's fault, my kids' fault...it's not my fault!"  Shifted blame and lack of personal responsibility will only lead to more sadness!

The bottom line is there's only one remedy for this SADDness that placates so many of us. It is not found on the internet, a list of "to do's", a pill or a bottle. It is ONLY found sitting at the feet of Jesus, waiting on him, listening to his voice, and allowing his word to change the "chemistry" and the "wrong thinking" in our brains.

It is found in swallowing our pride instead of a pill, and allowing Jesus to teach us the simple life lessons!

The interesting thing about ADD/ADHD meds, is that you have to take the pill at the same time every morning.  It's not like some meds that build up in your system, where the effects are still there if you skip a day or even two. The effects only last for a few hours. Some are "long acting", meaning their efficacy is  about 8-12 hours, while others are "short acting", lasting only 3-4 hours. Sometimes, a long acting medicine is prescribed, and then a short acting one is given in the afternoon, to help with focus during homework crunch time.

What if we got a daily dose of Jesus at the same time every morning? First thing...before all the distractions start barraging our minds and vying for our attention. How about a booster dose mid afternoon to help maintain our focus during some of the most challenging times of our day?

The other interesting thing about these meds is that they suppress the appetite...hmmm, I think we might be onto something!  Do you think a daily dose of Jesus might help suppress our appetite for all the other junk that we allow to fill us up?

"Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!" (Ps. 42:5)

"Let the morning bring me hope of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you." (Ps. 143:8)

God is so GOOD...He is God Over Our Diagnosis"...even this one! He can and will turn our SADDness into joy....When HE is in it, IT'S GOOD!!

GOOD: God Over Our Disappointments

I am really hard to buy for…Tom can attest to that. At Christmas or birthdays, I make sure I spell it out very clearly: what I want, what color, what size, what price range and where to find it. I’ve even gone and set the item aside at the store for him to buy; or worse yet, I buy it and bring it home and then he wraps it and puts it under the tree. Of course, I’m supposed to act “surprised” when I open it! If he gets the wrong thing, or heaven forbid, goes out and gets something that wasn’t on the list, I’ve been known to take it back and get something I like better! That way, I don’t ever have to be disappointed.

 

After years of doing this dance, Tom has all but given up surprising me. He is a “giver” and is extremely generous. The sad thing is, I have quenched that wonderful part of him because I am a terrible receiver!

How messed up is that??

One time when the kids were very young, he arranged a little “romantic getaway” for just the two of us. He got the sitter and surprised me one Friday afternoon, whisking me away to this beautiful resort hotel. To top things off, he bought me a 1 hour massage! Unfortunately, the whole thing was a disaster…the hotel was perfect, the dinner was amazing, and the massage was heavenly…or would have been to anybody else BUT me! I couldn’t enjoy it because I was so worried about how much it all cost. I guess deep down, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. We argued about money and he was crushed and devastated. He was trying to lavish me with a gift and I couldn’t receive it, much less enjoy it!

My need to control my gifts, to get only what I think I deserve, has no doubt sabotaged and cheated me out of some amazing gifts over the years. Sadder yet, and most importantly, I have been giving Tom the message: "I don’t trust you, or I know what I need better than you do.”  If you were to ask him, he would probably be honest and say he’s given up on trying to surprise me…it’s just easier to do it my way.

Don’t get me wrong…we have a wonderful marriage! We are best friends, have lots of fun together, and are more in love than ever! But this issue of giving and receiving has been a sore spot. He knows me very well…after almost 30 years of marriage, he has adjusted himself to doing it my way, and this way we both avoid disappointment.

The truth is, I’m really tired of doing it my way! Deep down, I really do want to be surprised and I want him to lavish me with wonderful gifts that I don’t deserve. It’s exhausting to control, manipulate and orchestrate every “gift”!  

What if…I had no expectations?  I allowed myself to be surprised?  I didn’t worry about the cost?  I fully trusted the giver?  I embraced each gift with thanksgiving, even if it wasn’t what I really wanted?  I didn’t always keep the receipt, “just in case”?  I trusted and empowered my husband to give what he feels like giving?

Don’t we do this with God too?

We have no problem being thankful when we get something that we want. But we have a really hard time embracing what we didn’t ask for or what we feel we don’t deserve. We make our requests known to the Giver, but if he chooses to give us something different, something that wasn’t on the list, we have a hard time trusting that he is still GOOD. We live in a constant state of disappointment.

As if I haven’t already confessed enough, just wait… there’s more!

On our 25^th wedding anniversary, I was really hoping for an anniversary band…you know, the white gold or platinum band with diamonds. I had hinted at it for a couple of years. When we would walk past a jewelry store, I would point out what I liked and what I didn’t like. Of course, I was always careful to point out the cheaper bands, the more modest ones…

Then came the big day…December 31, 2008! I had the day off, Tom took off at lunch and we were going to spend the rest of the day together. We went out to lunch, and after we had ordered our food, he pulled out a bag from JARED’S…my heart skipped a beat!  As I pulled the little box out of the bag, all those feelings reared their ugly head…”I hope he picked out something I like, I hope he’s been paying attention to my hints, this better not be too expensive.”  Even as I am opening it and he is sitting across from me with misty eyes, I am having this battle in my head!

Then I opened the box and my heart literally sank to the floor…it wasn’t the anniversary band I was expecting, it was a beautiful set of diamond earrings! I was so disappointed, but I had to fake it! “Oh, honey! They’re beautiful…I love them…thank you so much!” He was quick to tell me that he had been saving up some money on the side and wanted to surprise me. Then he said, “I picked these out because I really liked them and thought they would look so pretty on you.” In the next breath, because he knows me so well, he told me that he had the receipt and a certificate that would allow us to exchange or upgrade later on, if we wanted to.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he got it all wrong…the diamonds were beautiful, but they were just delivered in the wrong package…I wanted a ring, not earrings!

I wrestled and thought about asking him if we could just go to Jared’s and exchange it right then for an anniversary band, but I refrained…I knew how much love, thought, planning and effort had gone in to this and how much it would crush him.

Then I felt guilty…how could I be feeling this way? What’s wrong with me? I bet any other girl out there would be “dying” over this beautiful gift!

But that guilt did little to change how I felt about the earrings.  For the next 4 years, I would wear them only on special occasions…the company Christmas party, a wedding or an occasional dress up event. I didn’t wear them to work and they weren’t in my repertoire of every day earrings. They were tucked away safely in my dresser drawer. When I would look at them, all I could think of was, “If only this was an anniversary band, I would be wearing it all the time!” Sometimes I would fantasize and place the earring across my finger and see what it would look like as a ring. In my mind, I was just waiting for enough time to pass, so that I could suggest to Tom that it might be time for that “upgrade”, then we could go to Jared’s and exchange it for the anniversary band.

But God…because He is so GOOD, had a better plan.

I can’t remember exactly when it was, but sometime in the past 9-10 months, my heart started to change. One day, I looked at those earrings and the thought came to me, “Those really are beautiful...I should wear them every day, just like I would wear a ring!” (I don’t think that thought came from me, by the way.)

So, I obeyed…I put them on and I wore them to work that day. There I was, at the hospital, cleaning up poop and vomit, wearing my diamond earrings! I wore them in the shower, I wore them to bed, I wore them walking, biking, swimming, I started wearing them all the time. Since that day, I have not taken them off and I haven’t worn any other earrings!

I have grown to REALLY love them!  But why didn’t I feel that way at first?  Why did it take me 4 years to get past my disappointment and to embrace the gift?

I got so hung up on my disappointment that I couldn't get past my dashed expectations to simply enjoy the gift and trust the heart of the giver. You see, Tom wasn’t ignoring my hints and not giving me what I wanted on purpose; He saved up his money, went shopping and got me what HE loved and thought was beautiful!

What have you been given lately, that wasn't what you were expecting? What circumstance has you bound by disappointment? A diagnoses? Rebellious children? Job loss? Death of a loved one? Death of a dream?

The TRUTH is, the circumstance or the "package" is not the real gift. That’s where we get all messed up! We ask for one thing, but when we get something completely different than we asked for, we begin to question God’s goodness. We blame God for the circumstance. We stop at the disappointment, stuff it in a drawer, and feel like we’ve been cheated.

The circumstance is just the "bag" or the "box" that is carrying the real gift.

The real gift is the GRACE God gives us to embrace our disappointment. The real gift is what he does with us and through us IN THE MIDST OF our disappointments. He won’t necessarily change our circumstances, but he CAN and WILL change our hearts!  Even in the midst of intense heartache, pain, and disappointment over a circumstance, we can wear his gift of grace, and that changes everything. When we do this, He gets the glory…we display His goodness!

Jesus said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. “ (2 Cor. 12:9)

This is why we can embrace and delight in our weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties, and yes, even in our disappointments…Because when we are weak, then He is strong.  (2 Cor. 12:10)

As I look in the mirror every day and see my earrings, I am reminded of God’s amazing grace.  They help keep me focused on Him and what he can do with my disappointments. If He can so drastically change my heart over some silly earrings, how much more does he want to change my heart as I walk through other disappointments in life?

What disappointments have you stuffed down deep in a dark drawer? What needs to come out of the drawer and into the light, so that God can display his glory through you?

I smile when someone stops me and says, “I love your earrings…they are so beautiful!” I get to say with confidence and without any reservation, “Thank you…my sweet husband gave them to me, and I really love them too!”

God is so GOOD…He is God Over Our Disappointments!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

G.O.O.D.

That's my one word for this year: GOOD.  In late January, God literally dropped that word into my heart and said, "This is what I want you to focus on this year."

GOOD? Really, Lord? Why not faith or patience or hope? Surely I need more of those! How about gentleness or self-control? I am sorely lacking in those areas too!

I had no idea at the time, how He would use that one word to reveal Himself to me, to strengthen my faith and to give me hope! He has lead me on a journey of discovery and adventure that I can hardly contain or keep to myself.

A couple of years ago, God began speaking to me in acronyms. I don't know why, but He began "unfolding words" for me in that way. He immediately gave me an acronym for GOOD. It is God Over Our D________'s. I started making a list of D-words, that has now grown to almost 130...He is God Over Our Day, our Disappointments, our Despair, our Decisions, our Doubts, our Diseases, our Dwelling, our Doors, our Dollars, our Death....just to name a few.

As an act of obedience, I decided to buy the letters G.O.O.D at Hobby Lobby and put them on my mantle, where I would be reminded every day of my new focus. I found these letters I really liked at the store closest to my house, but there was no G!! So I bought the O.O.D., hoping I would find the G at another store. I placed the O.O.D. on my mantle and it occurred to me...GOOD is not good without the G (God)! If GOD is not in it, it's not GOOD! I couldn't get my G fast enough! So the next day I drove 30 miles to the nearest Hobby Lobby and got my G.

That was the start of my journey...New revelation of His goodness in the midst of everyday, mundane, sometimes painful things, has shifted my focus from what I can do to what He can and will do...If I invite Him to be in and over ALL of it.

In just about every situation I find myself in, there is usually a D-word for it. If I can't think of one immediately, I look in my Thesaurus and can usually find one.

The truth is plain and simple: If God is not in it, it's not good! God doesn't cause our disappointments or any of the other D's in our lives, but He can surely be OVER them if we let Him...

What does that really mean???
 

It means, I declare that He is OVER, in charge, working through, every situation and I walk it out like I believe it, even when I don't feel like it or when all the evidence points to the contrary!
It means that I allow God to speak into my despair or my disappointments or any of my other D's, and that I let HIS word wash over me and give me new perspective.
It means that I trust him completely to be over the situations that I have no control over.
It means that I trust in His goodness more than I trust in my own.
It means that I seek first His kingdom, His ways, His wisdom, and then trust Him to work the good out.
 

The positioning of our hearts, surrendering and trusting in God's goodness, is what transforms us!

You see, when I am looking for the good in something, declaring and believing that God is OVER it and trusting in His ability to handle it, it frees me up to simply love Him, praise Him, and rest in Him...no matter how hopeless a situation may seem.

It's not up to me to work the good, that's His job!

 

*His name is GOOD. "I will praise you forever for what you have done. In your name I will hope, for your name is GOOD!" (Ps 52:9) That's  who he is...ALL the names of God can be summed up in one word: GOOD. He is the same yesterday, today and forever...He will never stop being GOOD!
 

*He brought us out from there to bring us in and give us a GOOD land (Deut 6:23) He doesn't bring us out of something to leave us in the desert...His desire is to bring us IN to a GOOD land.
 

*And we know that in all things God works for the GOOD of those who love him." (Rom 8:28)...that GOOD is to transform us into the likeness of Jesus, not to work everything out the way we want it.
 

*The Lord is GOOD to those whose hope is in Him. It is GOOD to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. (Lam 3:25-26)
 

*I will give them a singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own GOOD and the GOOD of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing GOOD to them and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them GOOD and will assuredly plant them in this land with all my heart and soul!" (Jer. 32:39-41).

These are just a few of the scriptures and promises that have anchored me on this journey of faith....there are so many more, and I am discovering that God's word is like an onion...there are layers upon layers of truth and revelation of which there is no end.

"The unfolding of your words gives light, it gives understanding to the simple!" (Ps. 119:130)

 

 

 

What's so great about independence, anyway?

We hear it all the time..."I'm 18, I'm an adult and I want to be independent!"
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that from one of my "now adult" children, I would be a very rich woman!
How about..."I'm 19! I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. I hate your rules, quit treating me like a child! I can't wait to get outta here and be on my own! I want to be independent!"

Yes...I have heard that one too!

Can anyone relate?

Kids go through their teenage years with the mistaken notion that independence is the "be all end all." They buy into the lie that says being INDEPENDENT is to be free from dependence on anyone, not accountable, not subject to authority, and to be free to do what they choose.

Somehow, they believe that being free from dependence on AUTHORITY is true freedom!

Eve bought into that same lie...She thought God's rules were stupid, didn't make any sense, and that she knew better!  She wanted to be independent! She failed to realize that God's rules were the method He was using to bring about GOOD...that His rules were backed by principles that were there for her protection.

Independence that is NOT dependence on God is not independence at all; it's just dependence on another authority and his name is Satan.

The TRUTH is...

Independence born out of rebellion doesn't result in freedom...it actually leads to bondage. 

Bondage that is disguised as independence is deadly.

The world's definition of INDEPENDENT  is "NOT DEPENDENT"....the prefix "IN" means "NOT", (as in words like insatiable, incoherent, inoperable, inconsistent...), 

Achieving NOT-dependence is somehow the path to freedom, to real "life". REALLY?

God's definition of INDEPENDENT is "IN DEPENDENT"...the prefix "IN" means "IN"!

Jesus says, "Remain IN me and I will remain IN you. No branch can bear fruit by itself, it must remain IN the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain IN me. I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains IN me and I IN him, he will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do NOTHING! If anyone does not remain IN me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are thrown into a fire and burned. If you remain IN me and my words remain IN you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you. This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." (John 15:4--).

Am I NOT-Dependent or am I IN-dependent? Am I remaining IN the vine or am I a branch that is withering? A branch that is not attached to the vine, depending on the vine for its nourishment, for its very life, will eventually wither, stop bearing fruit and die!

So, what's so great about NOT-DEPENDENCE anyway?

Today we celebrate Independence Day...what started out hundreds of years ago as one nation UNDER God has become one nation APART from God! The United States has bought into the LIE: Independence is NOT-Dependence on God! Look at where it has gotten us...look at the fruit!!

Jesus said, "Apart from me, you can do nothing!"

This principle is true for a young adult who is striving for independence, just as it is for a nation striving to maintain its independence.  Choosing to be NOT-dependent, to NOT acknowledge God and His ways, to NOT fear the Lord...WILL alter the course of a person's life, just as it will alter the course of a NATION.

There's a lot of power in these 2 little words...NOT or IN?

G.O.O.D. > God Over Our Dependence